When It is Hard to Forgive

Having been pagan for a couple of decades, forgiveness is something I struggle with. In Asatru, you did not have to forgive. Indeed, many saw forgiveness as a weakness.You were supposed to hold people accountable to their actions. That might sound all noble in that it made people responsible for what they do, but what it really came down to is getting even for every little slight, hurtful word, or even nasty look someone gave you. In the long run, I realized it was no way to live. Forgiveness is necessary to survive in the world, even when it is difficult to forgive. and yet I struggle with it.

Years of emotional abuse from a religious community that did not believe in forgiveness and lacked

compassion left me not just weary of forgiving those that wronged me, but also with thoughts of, "I must get even." Even now, years after returning to the fold, I find myself wanting to right some wrong done me. I had a recent situation in which an acquaintance was trying to take advantage of a young mother I care for. At the same time he was running me down, making jokes of me, and how I felt and thought. He somehow thought the very qualities that make me Christian, being kind, considerate, thoughtful, compassionate were weaknesses to be made fun of. The thing is he really doesn't know me, having not seen me in decades. In the end, I was a far stronger person that he ever will be. The situation is resolved now, not to my satisfaction, but the young mother is safe. Still, a part of me wants to hurt this guy in ways that are unimaginable, and put him through the same pain he did me. I had to force myself to forgive him, and to much lesser degree to forgive her for believing him.

There are many other situations like that one in the past in which I found it hard to forgive the people involved. Somehow though, I found the strength to forgive, and it does take strength to forgive someone.  It is far easier to brood over some wrong done you, to plot revenge, sometimes even act on it. If someone is saying bad things about you, then it is so much easier to say bad things about them, than to just forgive them and move on. Forgiveness means controlling one's feelings, thoughts, and actions. And that is why it takes strength to forgive. It is not easy to forgive. It goes against human instinct which is to fight back.

Jesus was very clear on forgiving others. Indeed, we can not expect to be forgiven by him without forgiving others. This from the Lord's Prayer:

"And forgive us our tresspasses, as we also have forgiven our trespassers (Matthew 6:12)"

He had much else to say about forgiveness:

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins (Matthew 6:14-15)."

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? “Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times (Mathew 18: 21-22)"

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven (Luke 6:37)"

These are only three of the many, many passages on forgiveness in the Bible. If we are to expect to go to Heaven, we must forgive. But forgiving has its benefits in this world too. Forgiving others actually makes us experience less anxiety, hostility, and depression as well as lowers our blood pressure, and improves our immune system according to some studies. As for myself, I will probably have to struggle with forgiveness the rest of my life. Luckily, it is not in my nature to be a vindictive person anyway. Whatever, bad habits of not forgiving I picked up were while I was pagan. But I will forever have to guard against not forgiving others. As a Christian I must forgive! The Bible tells me so.